I am writing to request funding for a piece of performance art to be titled "Shells Returned". The seven year long project will involve my returning every seashell that I have ever collected to the precise place of collection. The piece will be in two parts, "Sorting" and "Returning". It is a companion piece to my "Books Returned", where I requested $500,000 dollars to return my overdue library books.
Part 1: Sorting: The largest part of this will be the sorting of sea shells and determining just where-in-the-hell I picked them up. This will be live-streamed for free on YouTube to fulfill underserved community outreach requirements.
Part 2: Returning: I will return the shells to the precise spots where they were collected. This will be performed for an audience of one (1): my wife, Jan. Expenses will include airfare, car rental, GPS system, accomodations, and meals.
Cost: 2.5 million dollars. To be fair, I have a lot of seashells, live in a landlocked state, and collected them for free.
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